


Norse Lullabies

by Volcal5



Category: Red vs Blue
Genre: A LOT of Angst, AU- South and CT live, CT AND SOUTH DESERVE BETTER, F/F, SOUTH FUCKING DESERVED BETTER, Suicide Attempt, also Connie is a fantastic girlfriend, and Carolina's a sweetheart when she's not tying to hard to be better, but a lot of loving healing., possible Mythology AU as well, possible kimballina later on but maybe not yet, south's shitty childhood backstory, we'll see where this goes, yeah most likely a sex chapter in later time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-03-22 12:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volcal5/pseuds/Volcal5
Summary: After finally recovering from her attempted suicide, Agent South Dakota is being put back into the project. After coming to terms with her actions, South struggles to deny her anger towards others and her feelings towards Connie. Recently assigned to a new mission, South slowly begins to reveal more about herself as she prepares to live her potential final days. But how accepting to the truth are the others? And as a distant figure continues to stalk South, what do the others discover she's been hiding from them.





	1. Release

South sat in silence as Project Freelancer’s famed counselor entered the room, taking a seat in the chair facing towards her own. 

"Agent South Dakota, it's great to see you're healing well.” He smiled at her, a genuine and meaningful smile one would give a close family member. 

South continued to look towards the ground, trying her best not to scratch at her wrists, or the wounds that were close to becoming scars. “Hello counselor.” She said quietly. 

“It's been about three weeks since the incident, the nanites are doing well, and if we continue our rising progress with the next few sessions we share, you should be off suicide watch in no time. However I would still like to continue meeting, but if want to lower the number of our sessions, or extend them, I'd be more than happy to arrange a schedule you feel is best for you.” He smiled once again, South nodded slightly. 

"Now then, the Director gave me a few topics he would like us to discuss before we end. Now, can you tell me why you felt the need to...proceed with your attempted suicide?” South noticed the hesitation in his voice but chose to ignore it, the session would go by faster if she answered truthfully and quickly. 

"I...I was scared, and sad…” South paused a few moments. “I just...I was in pain, and I just wanted to end it.” She felt oddly uncomfortable, she didn't know why, but even when she was fully aware of what she did, fully willing to go through with it, it felt strange to speak it, each time she did, it never felt good to talk about, or keep talking about it. 

“Was this pain physical or emotional?”

“...both. My wounds from the previous mission burned, like I was constantly burning myself with a metal rod.” South's hands instinctively clenched her her torsos side. “I couldn't sleep and I couldn't get up most mornings. And...the wound wasn't just a normal one, it had…it took a toll on me.”  
The counselors eyes were filled with slight concern. “You've had this type of wound before, what made this one different? Why did it take a toll on you?”

“...I...the person who did it said something that took a toll on me, I remembered some things and how much no one really needed me around, much less want, so I just...I wanted to stop it...and I thought no one would notice if I did. I didn't think Connie would go out of her schedule and head to her room two hours earlier than expected.” 

“Yes, she spoke with Agent Carolina nearly an hour before she found you that she felt sick for some reason. It seems fate was on both your sides...however, Agent Connecticut was the only one to receive a note from you, is there any reason that is?” 

South smiles a little, just enough for the counselor to notice the sudden facial expression. “Connie, I care a lot about her. She was the first person to WANT to spend time with me. She took the time to get to know me, she saw past Agent South Dakota and found the real me. She accepted the real me and made me feel happy and what I hoped to be loved. She was the only person I cried for and wanted to protect, the only person I wanted to act like myself around…” South looked down at her feet only to notice a few droplets falling on the ground. She brought her hand up to her eyes and wiped away what she could. 

The counselor continued the conversation. “Agent Connecticut…” he paused a moment. “Connie, notified the emergency team and ran to your room. We were surprised to find how...extreme she acted during the time.” 

"Yeah, practically tore down the door. I passed out a few moments after she entered, and I woke up to her sleeping face. She was the only one there, no one else, only her…tell me sir, who else knew what I did?”

“Agent Carolina was made aware of the situation and stayed during your critical hours. The other agents were asked if they heard or knew of the attempt. Only agents Maine and Wash heard what happened, both were unaware of who it was. Agent-...Connie was there during your critical hours and your recovery. She left only a few times for nuresment purposes.” 

South let out a small low pitched laugh. She  
remembers waking up in the hospital bed, her wrists bound to the edge to keep her from opening her stitches. She remembered being extremely thirst, and remembered the small figure with a head of brown hair resting on her on her hand intertwined with South's. Connie. That's all South could think about from that moment. 

"She's truly and angel...I just wish she didn't have to see me. To be honest sir, that's really my only regret for the entire situation.” 

The counselor nodded. “Have you spoken to her since the incident?”

South's mouth went dry just a bit. She didn't want to say she was avoiding Connie, or that the girl would walk into the infirmary every few hours when South was asleep.  
“We've sorta talked...usually when she comes back from a mission….that's all I wish to say sir.” 

The counselor nodded as they continued their session. “Good, this time tomorrow you'll be allowed to continue going on missions, and tonight I'm allowing to sleep in your own bedroom. But before I let you go I just have something to ask...something on a more personal level Sorvind.” Her name, South haven't heard anyone use her name since Connie cried over her the night IT happened. 

"Ask away.”

“...What did the person who stabbed you say?” 

“...It was something my mother told me. The last time I saw her.” 

The counselor raised his eyebrow, he had never heard much of a mother between the sessions he shared with the twins. North always spoke of his father, South spoke mainly of her grandparents and uncles. 

“Your mother? I don't think I've ever heard you or Agent North Dakota speak of her before. Is there a reason for that?”

South started at the ground once again, wanting to leave, but knew she wouldn't get better unless she told the truth. She didn't mind talking about her, in fact it was nice to have someone listen to her,but talking was still new to her, and talking of her mother is something she's never spoken of for years. She took in a deep breath, realizing it was better to come clean with the situation than keep it to herself and have the counselor push the subject further next session. Exhaling the air she took in, she began at the the beginning. 

“I was seven when I last saw her, Hela Dakota, that was her name. She was getting ready for a trip to Norway, I don't remember the exact reason why but I can only assume it was a lie. She told me she'd be back to kiss me goodnight on the first night of the winter season, I believed her until two years later, she never came back, and I never saw her again. North didn't remember her very well, and he's all but forgot her since our early teen years. He didn't seem to remember a whole lot of our childhood, he forgot about me until I returned after spending over half a decade in little to no contact with both him and my father, he didn't notice I was gone and treated my return like I never left. However, unlike my brother, I remembered too well. I remember my mother's face as if I was staring into a mirror. I remember her words, the songs she sang, every little detail about her down to her favorite lullaby she'd sing for me. I always loved those songs, I felt safe and happy when she sang them, and I still can't help but smile at the slow mystical tune. I learned Norwegian and other such languages in that area because of them. Norwegian nearly substituted as a first language for me, due to my mother's many nights of singing and storytelling. They were always old Norse songs and tales, she was very proud of her heritage.”

"As do you.” He pointed towards South's collar were a small metal chain held a Mjolnir charm around the woman's neck. South ran her fingers across it before grasping it into her palm, squeezing it tightly. 

"I would be lying if I said I didn't…it's a part of me that I'm proud of.” 

"While that's a lovely thing to be proud of, heritage shouldn't be the only thing. You have many extraordinary talents, and many you're hiding from both yourself, and the world. While you may feel like you are personally meaningless or that everything that's ever happened to you is all but the same, you are an important asset to this team. And you're extremely important to Connie.” 

South bit her lip as she noticed the tears peeking through her vision. 

"It seems when you're reminded of something terrible, whether it being of yourself or your childhood, you tend to lean towards the darker side of things. You told me the lullabies your mother sang to you as a child made you feel safe and happy, so perhaps you should sing along with the memory whenever you're reminded of something negative. While it may seem like it will do more harm than good, I believe it could be a good start on your personal journey to recovery.” South nodded and sat up to leave the room. 

"I'll try sir, see you Thursday”

"See you soon Agent South. Please take care of yourself.” South let a small smile peak as she stared at him for a moment and left the room.


	2. Remission and Complications

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South is given a mission shortly after entering remission from her attempted suicide. Her relationship with Connie is tense, and the mission doesn’t seem to be making it any better.

Needless to say, the next few days back into the project were fairly simple. No one seemed to notice her absence or took notice in her return making South’s situation easier and stress free. 

 

Most of those days South spent her time alone and her preferred it to be that way. During meals she'd grab her tray and ate either with the counselor, usually during one of their meetings, or in the training room by herself. Training days were quick and simple, South learning the best way to keep it like that was to put up a fair fight, accept whoever won or lost, and leave before a rematch can be set. She spent a lot of her free time within her room, glad to be sleeping in it once more, and enjoying the privacy and open window which displayed the vast beauty of space. 

 

So far things were going better than she expected, that is until she passed a certain short haired brunette on her morning rounds. Avoiding her became a challenge at first, that was until missions came around, making it impossible.

 

This mission was simple, get the thing and go home, a total of 20 hours alone with Carolina and Connie. South wasn’t looking forward to it.

 

\-----

 

Hours 1-2 went by like a breeze, a good start in South’s opinion. Carolina went over the basics of the mission, then went into greater detail about the building, the relic, and so on. Finally, when Connie looked as if her words were going to blurt out at any second, Carolina dismissed herself from the room making an excuse to leave the two alone.

 

“Alright you two, now that the briefing is over, you may go about your business until I say. I’ll be going over it with ‘9er.” The few seconds it took for Carolina to exit the pelican’s loading dock went painfully slow. South knew what Connie would say, she knew what she wanted to talk about, she knew they both would end up crying, and she knew this wasn't something they needed to do before a mission. But once the door shut, all hell broke loose. 

 

It started with a slap to the face, South had a feeling she should've kept her helmet on for the briefing. 

 

“WHAT THE FUCK!?” Connie already started crying.  _ Dammit.  _ South thought to herself. She hated seeing her cry, she felt her heart begin to sting more than her cheek. 

 

“WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT!?” Connie started to throw a frenzy of uncoordinated punches south easily blocked from her face. They didn't hurt, but South wasn't looking forward to anymore injuries before the mission. 

 

“I FUCKING CRIED FOR YOU! I FUCKING STAYED WITH YOU! WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO IGNORE ME!?” South lost herself in those words. She brought pain to Connie once more, she hurt her again, she let Connie get hurt once more for another on of her selfish actions. Tears began to slowly form in South's eyes. She let her arms down, allowing Connie to get a few punches in before she fell to her knees and slammed her fist into south’s armored chest plate. 

 

“I fucking…” Connie trailed off from her words, her cries took over, and she soon fell limp in South's arms. South slowly sat on the ground, feeling the small frame of Connie’s body gently move her body to sit in her lap, her head falling in the crook of South’s neck. 

 

South bit her lip as she tried to force her body to stay strong and not break down what was already broken. She remembered what the Counselor said about singing the lullabies to calm her mind. Often times she replayed the tune in her mind and sang it mentally, but this time she felt as if she should sing one out loud, hoping it will help both her and Connie. 

 

“hön'marën kena-uva kala,

 indönya ullumeá 

 nör'ande sëra mi lorien   
 îm'eri ratö naya”

 

Connie's raspy breathing and sharp intakes died down as South's voice began the song. South wasn't sure if her method was working, or if Connie was just confused to why she was singing, but South continued her song as Connie's breathing slowed with her tempo. 

 

“larya nîn mëlissè   
 le sinte îma sinomë   
 ána sama lemî oloorë   
 le ar'uunèr ana kaurë   
 uur'anor wannëa   
 isilme va'arya   
 telume siila tere   
 na'are utumno wanya   
 erüma,   
 helkàda   
 raanè ressè   
 lörna à'kuilä   
 Vàrna mi'olör   
 türma ei ràumo   
  
 Sinomë”

 

South finished her lullaby, a flashing image of her mother ran through her causing the collection of tears to finally break free and run down her, now, reddened cheek. Her hand instinctively ran across the scar along it.

 

A moment passed before she let her trance break to focus on Connie's form. South could’ve sworn the small girl was sleeping at first, but Connie's soft voice rang through the room leaving her theory to be untrue. 

 

“I...I d-didn't know you sang.” Her voice was still shaky, but South didn't care one bit. Connie's voice was always a blessing to hear. 

 

“I...I don't. Sorvind does though.” She hesitated before the need embrace the smaller girl became to strong, and she slowly wrapped her arms around Connie. Rocking her body in slight unbalanced maner. 

 

“You are Sorvind though, aren't you?” Connie loosened herself in South's arms, wanting to hold her, but too deep in the fearful thought that this wasn't her South. Her Sorvind. 

 

“I…” South hesitated. Her broken purple eyes turned towards Connie’s soft brown ones. 

 

“I’m whoever you want me to be. Connie, I want nothing more than to be myself around you but, I want you to be happy with who I am. And I want to be whoever you need me to be.” 

 

Connie bit her lip, not enough to cause any harm to herself, just enough to make her look far more beautiful than South thought possible. It was also the same look Connie made when she was deep in thought, a look that always seemed to distract South when they took classes studying the A.I. enhancements. Connie soft voice broke South out her trance as her lip became unbitten and moved with the words she let escape from her mouth. 

 

“I want you to be who YOU are Sorvind. I want you to look at me and say who you are, even if it’s not who I imagined you to be. I want you to be yourself around me, I don’t want you to change for me or anyone else. Just be yourself around me, because I…” Connie's words trailed off, she closed her mouth and held her hand over it, as if she was attempting lock whatever else might escape. 

 

“I...I'm…” South looked inside herself to find something she hoped would satisfy Connie's wish as well as South’s vow of silence. 

 

“I'm not ready to say what it means...but I want to be Sorvind around you. I trust you Connie, I like being myself around you. And,” she paused taking a deep breath. “I'm not ready to explain yet, but I want to be myself around you Connie, it's not too different from how I normally acted around you. The only difference between that time and now is that...I want to talk to you more about my life and more about myself. If you'd like to know that is.”

 

Connie's eyes began to leak once again, South saw something in her eyes and before she could question it, Connie lunged forward gently pressing her soft lips against South’s cold ones. Her brown eyes closed in bliss, South's purple ones widened in surprise before closing as she pulled the smaller girl closer, her lips pushing into Connie's. 

 

South couldn't help but notice how perfectly their lips seemed to connect, almost as if they were made for one another. She found nearly everything about Connie and this situation absolutely pleasing, how warm the small girl felt against her lips and within her heart, how dark her cheeks became when South opened her eyes for a peak, and how she couldn't help but feel love in the kiss. No lust, no experimentation, just love. 

 

It couldn't have been a minute or two before the kiss was suddenly broken by Carolina’s presence. The teal Freelancer tried her best to ignore the flushed faces, close contact, and slight panting between the two as she put her helmet on and strapped herself into one of the pelican’s loading dock seats. 

 

“Strap in girls, mission begins in ten.” 

 

Connie hesitated a moment, South did as well, but both figured it was best to be ready. Connie slid off South's lap and put her helmet on, sitting on the opposite side of Carolina. South copied the motion and sat next to Connie, after a few moments of self arguing, she reached for her hand and linked her armored fingers with Connie's, leaving them limp before grasping her hand tight as Connie did the same. 

 

\----------

 

“Alright girls time to begin, stretch out your legs and get into position. CT get a scan of the lab and make sure intel’s correct about the position of the artifact.”

 

“Huh?...OH! Uh-Okay.” Connie began the scan and noticed her reply. She let out a sigh and cursed herself for being distracted. She knew she had a job to do, but she also couldn't help but think about the kiss. 

 

Kissing wasn't something Connie initiated (hell she rarely thought of anything on those lines), but hearing the words Sorvind said to her released something she didn't know she had. 

 

The scanners finished beep ringed loud enough to barely catch Connie's ear. “Alright, artifact’s in there. Second floor as briefed, no guards though, you sure this thing is as important as the director says?” 

 

“It is, however, minimum-wage security wouldn’t care even if it was the cure for cancer.” South replied as she positioned herself on the northern rooftop of the museum, studying the thickness of the glass sunroof she stood to the side of.

 

“Doesn't matter, we just need to snag it and head back to 9er. South, you ready?”

 

“Ready as I'll ever be Carolina.” 

 

“You're sure you’re okay to do this? I understand if-”

 

South interrupted her. “That was two months ago Carolina, I’ll be fine. Just be sure to get that thing quickly before I-” South's com stayed silent a moment before turning off. 

 

“South? Agent South Dakota!?” Carolina sounded worried. Connie's heart began to race. 

 

“South! SOUTH!” She pressed her com hoping to get something from her. Nothing. It was nothing but light  sounds of static, and the rapid beating of Connie’s heart. 

 

Memories racing through her mind, memories of living nightmares.

  
  


_ Training was a bitch, and training with a sudden migraine coming in from nowhere, was a mother fucker. Connie did her best to ignore it and keep up with the others for another hour, or at least half of that. It finally go to the point where it became too difficult to ignore when her stomach decided to twist its way into the party. Pun not intended.  _

 

_ Carolina seemed to notice and pressed the back of her hand on her forehead, switching to the inside a moment later for a better feel.  _

 

_ “You don’t feel that warm, at least not anymore than your normal temperature.” She said. _

 

_ Connie rubbed her temples and shrugged. “Probably just girl stuff.”  _

 

_ “Maybe, either way you should rest for now in case it’s something else.” _

 

_ “You sure? I think I should be okay to do another hour.”  _

 

_ “No, go to your room and get some rest. I’d much rather you train when you feel better.” Carolina said sternly, but smiled at her friend.  _

 

_ Connie let out a soft sigh and nodded her head before turning towards the exit. She turned her head back once she felt Carolina’s hand make contact with her arm in a soft grip, her green eyes were serious and her voice went into a low volume. _

 

_ “You’ve been eating right? This isn’t…’you know what’ right?” _

 

_ Connie frowned a little, a part of her always did whenever her nutritional issues were mentioned. She always seemed to feel a little worse each time it was, but pulled back from her thoughts when she remembered she was talking to Carolina, who understood her and was always helping her like the friend she was.  _

_ “I have, which is weird since I don’t think I’ve eaten or caught something bad enough to make me feel this shitty.”  _

 

_ Carolina nodded before making a low grunt and letting go of her arm. “Okay, just making sure. Now go get some rest and tell me of you need anything.”  _

 

_ Connie smiled, holding a thumbs up as she began the walk to her room. “You got it boss.” _

 

_ As she walked through the female section of freelancer rooms, slowing the speed of her walk when she saw the doorway to south’s room. The purple freelancer had not arrived to training that morning, worrying her greatly, it was something she never really did unless something big was up. Which never really happened, South was good at powering through her problems, so seeing her never come out all day was a clear sign something was wrong.  _

 

_ Connie wondered what could be going on to make her act this way, she knew it had nothing to do with the program or her brother, this wasn’t something petty and capable of ignoring like the other problems in her life. From the looks of it and the past events Connie has been told, this was something personal that would almost certainly hit close to home.  _

 

_ As the thoughts of possible conflicts flashed through her mind momentarily, Connie shook her head to clear her mind before another headache came waving in. She walked past South’s door and into her own room and sitting down on the edge of her bed.  _

 

_ “I’ll talk to her before dinner tonight, or whenever this goddam headache goes away.” Connie smiled at her promise and laid down onto the rough and stiff mattress of her in-wall bed. Sitting back up the moment her head made contact with an off-white envelope, her name written in South’s handwriting on the front.  _

  
  


The silence was painful, Connie could feel her fear crawling slowly up her spine and into her mind was her memory faded into flashes of blood stained metal floors and purple irises fading with the beating of South’s heart.

 

She was getting closer and closer to losing consciousness, and her eyes were nearly covered in black, before her vision was returned at the sound of South’s muffled voice through the com link.

 

“Sorry. I thought I saw someone, I'm fine, I'm fine.” her breathing was off balance and heavy. Not enough to be identified as total panic, but enough to continue feeding the worry of the only two agents she considered to be her friends.

 

“South? South what’s wrong?” Connie did her best to calm her heart, but the breathing and slightly strained voice South had acquired didn’t seem to be effective.

 

“N-Nothing, I just- Just-” South took a moment to inhale a breath of air, releasing it a moment later, calm her breathing to a normal pattern. “I-I’m fine...I’m sorry, I thought I saw someone. My mistake.” 

 

“No one’s there?” Carolina asked. 

 

“N-no. Look let's just finish the task at hand and head out before we’re noticed”

 

Carolina hesitated a moment, she wondered of South should still go through with her part or stand by in case things get hectic. The thought was cancelled out by the need to complete her mission, believing the faster they complete it, the better it will be for all. “Alright South, get going on that distraction, and make it a big enough priority for all the guards to race to.”

 

South jumped up on the roof and shot the glass sunroof, on her way back to the ground she slammed the weight and force of her impact on the glass, shattering glass pieces fell onto the floor with an almost chime like noise that came a few seconds after the original crash South has made on her impact. Once the purple freelancer had made it safely to the ground, an alarm rang throughout the museum, the guards position near Carolina made their way quickly over to the distressing sound.

 

“Nice work South. Connie you’re up, can you get these security doors open?” 

 

Connie groaned in frustration smacking the metal powerbox covering connected to her armor, wincing slightly at the pinch it fired back. “Give me a moment, this thing’s being slow and frustrating.”

 

“How long?” 

 

“I donno! Anywhere between 2-5 minutes really. Are you sure you can’t take it down manually?” 

 

Carolina walked up to the large metal door and fired a shot at any weak points she could identify. A small dent was made, but nothing more than that. “I can’t get this open on my own, South you’re going to need to hold them off.”

Connie looked up from her screen, protectiveness and worry taking her over. “She only has a pistol Carolina! These guards have nearly twice the amount of firepower as her, and twelve times the numbers!”

 

Carolina was taken back by her teammates change of mood, she wasn't sure exactly what to say and was lucky enough that South replied before her. 

 

“Don't worry about me, I have others ways.” She looked over to one of the many displaying sword cases the room had to offer. Her eyes wandered before setting along one specific blade that caught her eye, the one that seemed to shine the closer she moved towards it. She broke open the case as gripped her hand around the handle, amazed at how natural the weight felt in her hands, and how strong it seems to be. “Connie, focus on getting Carolina into that room, I'll distract them as long as I can.”

 

“South don't be stupid-”

 

“Connie! Stop arguing, and get started! The more time you waste the more I have to use to distract! I know you're worried, but you better focus your attention on something important or we’re all gonna leave empty handed!” 

 

Connie stayed silent, she wasn't sure what to say. On one hand, she wanted to get south as far away from danger as she could, and on the other hand, she needed to complete the mission. 

 

Realizing she was wasting more time thinking, Connie began to start on opening the lab door manually. “If you so much as skin your knee South, I swear I’ll finish the rest you off myself.” 

 

“I know, now keep quiet and finish the mission, trackers are set and my com is going off”

 

“South wait! Don’t turn off-”

 

South didn’t hear the rest of Carolina’s sentence, she turned off her com piece and hid within the dark room, sword in hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Back with chapter two! I really want to continue this and I’m happy others do as well! Been working on other stuff too so sorry for long time updates. But please stick by if you like the story and comment on ideas or likes and dislikes about it! Thanks a bunch!

**Author's Note:**

> So, who's a ready for some angst?


End file.
